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Fertility can be one of those topics many of us tiptoe around, even though it touches more people than we might think. In a recent Lived and Learnt session, Creditsafers Emma Ingram and Amy Semirli shared their experiences of fertility challenges to help build awareness and reduce stigma on this important topic.
It’s worth saying upfront: there’s no “typical” fertility journey! Some people face difficulties trying for their first child, others experience secondary infertility (struggling after having had a child before), and many people never share what they’re going through. Infertility can be a struggle for many different reasons, at different times, for different people.
Despite the diversity, some core themes came through strongly in the session, and they’re helpful for all of us to understand.
The NHS notes that around 1 in 7 couples may have difficulty conceiving. That’s a lot of people quietly navigating appointments, waiting lists, and big emotions alongside everyday life.
Emma and Amy noted a gap between the number of people that go through infertility struggles, and how little it’s talked about in everyday life and across news platforms.
The NHS can help, but access isn’t always simple Support is available through the NHS, but people can face eligibility criteria and long waits depending on where they live. Even when you do get referred, it can take time to move through tests, consultations, and treatment options. An especially tough process when you’re already struggling, anxious or exhausted.
Private treatment is expensive, and outcomes are uncertain Private fertility care can feel like the faster route, but it comes with major costs and no guarantees. As Amy and Emma shared, treatment can sometimes feel like a “roll of the dice”.
The UK regulator (HFEA) also reminds us that success rates vary significantly by age and personal circumstances, so comparing yourself to someone else’s story rarely helps.
The emotional load is real and often hidden One of the hardest parts of fertility struggles can be the isolation, especially when everyone around you seems to be announcing pregnancies, swapping parenting stories, or asking well-meaning questions.
People can experience shame, grief, anger, and a constant sense of being “out of step”. While each person’s experience is different, research consistently links infertility and fertility treatment with higher rates of anxiety and depression symptoms.
Community makes a huge difference One of the most difficult parts of experiencing infertility can be the isolation, shame, and anger that can come with it; it can range from feeling left out and noticing changes in how people treat you, to the irritation of getting unsolicited advice from others.
Emma and Amy both emphasised the value of having someone who “gets it” around. Sometimes that’s a partner, friend, colleague, or support group. Sometimes it’s simply knowing you’re not alone in what can be a very isolating experience.
Adoption and other paths to parenthood matter too The session also highlighted adoption as an equally meaningful route to building a family. It’s not necessarily a “backup plan” either, it’s a valid choice in its own right.
Amy and Emma remind us that you don’t need to find the perfect words. A few simple, considerate habits go a long way:
Ultimately, the goal isn’t to say the perfect thing — it’s to be considerate. If you know someone going through fertility issues, being kind, open, and respectful of boundaries can all help.
Shoutout again to Amy and Emma for sharing their experiences so bravely and openly. Conversations like this help lower the stigma and remind people they’re not alone. Thank you for tuning into their stories. Until next time!